Saturday, June 20, 2015


Well I simply cannot believe that it has been well over a year since I last published a blog posting!  So what have I been doing in the meantime?

I profess to 'loving to write 'and wanting to 'write that novel' and 'needing to write in my blog'.  Yet I did nothing for over a year?

Here I am.

So much has transpired in this past year that definitely provided writing material.  But I was silent.

Here I am.

I let other matters take priority, such as my job situation.  The time frame of my last post was about the time we were officially informed our department at my place of employment would be 'decommissioned'.  Initially I was okay with it, saying I would be the good employee and help out-source my job with a smile.  Then I went into survival mode I suppose and decided I better look out for me.  So I proceeded to look for another position.  I got one within the company, and then quickly realized I had to keep myself busy in that new position, there was no pre-scripted list of duties for me to take and own.  It is about one year later, and so much has transpired in this new area.  I have settled in I believe.  I have come to realize just how much energy I put into making sure I was deemed needed at my place of employment.  And I have come to realize that expending all that energy was totally unnecessary.  Oh just where was my faith?  Instead I felt that I had to do something (and the thought that I had the power to do something makes me chuckle and shake my head).  Looking back, I just had to continue to be my usual calm, conscientious, caring professional self.  I just had to be still and know that all would be taken care of.  Oh well.  Lesson learned.

Here I am.

Is it too late to make up for lost time?  It is never too late; well not in this case anyway.

I am now looking at my writing as a way to spend time for myself.  That's something I always read, to make time and to take time for myself.  After writing I feel as though I 'emptied' my brain of some good thoughts that I most definitely was supposed to share.  My writing is necessary.

I am also looking at my writing as a calling.  I am supposed to share this part of me.

So look for more FREQUENT and TIMELY posts on L.A.F.F.

I have returned.  Here I am

Monday, February 17, 2014

Grass Is Not Always Greener

Perhaps one of the oldest proverbs we learn in life.

Of course initially it had to be explained to me.  When I was very young and heard this statement, my brain processed it literally.  Oh well, thank God for gaining wisdom and understanding.

The new year of 2014 arrived and I found myself reflecting.  The start of a new year seems to have this effect on me - assess where I am, where am I going, what do I want, am I doing what I want to be doing, am I doing what I SHOULD be doing?  I am getting off track here, but perhaps another blog at another time.

And with the new year, at work we are in the midst of those wonderful annual evaluations.  A friend of mine recently had to search for another job.  At our age undertaking a job search is something that can be so overwhelming and humbling.  For one thing, the potential interviewer might be someone young enough to be our grandchild.

Nevertheless she stepped out there and got a position.  Made me very proud, gave be encouragement.

Guess who decided to test the waters?

I dusted off the resume and updated it and put it out there for the public to see.  I received quite a number of contacts.  I was flattered.  I interviewed.  I met for coffee.

Once I returned to work from those interviews, I realized how thankful I was for my current job.  And to top it all off, my annual evaluation led to a promotion for me!!  Total surprise.

We as humans should seek to stretch ourselves and to grow and to step out on faith.  At the same time we should be mindful of the Creator's plan for our lives.  And to learn our destiny we should constantly and continuously ask for that plan to be revealed.  Don't sit and wait though, keep moving forward.  Your steps will be ordered.  Listen to that still small voice because that is your questions being answered.

Perhaps you are to remain on the side of the fence that you are on currently.  Going through the interviews and meeting for coffee helped me gain perspective of the 'grass' of my current position.  And at the end of the day, my job is and pretty much always has been just perfect for me.  And I reached this thought prior to the promotion!! It came five days later.

I honestly believe that where I am currently in life right now is where I am to be.

Perspective applies to more than just the job, of course.  Take a step back and look at other areas of your life that you might be questioning - am I in the right relationship?  Am I pursuing the right course of study?  Am I making the right decisions in how I handle my finances?  Most importantly do not compare your situations to someone else's situations.  Be willing to objectively view areas of your life with both a positive and negative eye.  Most of all ask the Creator for guidance and be patient with yourself and the process.  The answers will be revealed, trust me.

And each day I continue to ask for wisdom,.  Each day I ask for my life's plan to be revealed.  Each day I ask for my steps to be ordered.  Each day I ask for patience.

And each day I keep my ears open for that still small voice.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Out of the Office

He died.

How could he do that to us? To me?

We were diagnosed about the same time, give or take a day or two, the week before Christmas 2012.  I received the news I had breast cancer.  He received the news he had lymphoma.

And off we went on our separate paths - me to surgery, surgery, surgery (yes three of them).  He was off to chemo and radiation.

And next I hear, he is back to work!!  I was so happy for him.  Meanwhile I undergo my chemo and radiation.

So mid-July 2013 - we're both finished and in the office.  We share stories, we smile, we laugh.  Yet all the while we both know, and without saying it out loud, we both know that we feel this same thought: if we got 'it' once, will it return?  No guarantees were given that we would not.   We were bit once, we could be bitten again.  No, we never said this out loud.  What you say can come to fruition you know.  Our words have SO MUCH power.

I continued to receive positive reports.

He asked me how I got through this?  He then pointed at my cross around my neck, and he said I guess you have your faith.  I said most definitely I do believe I am healed and restored.  He stammered, I suppose looking for words, to let me know that he just never developed 'faith'; but 'my kids have'.  I told him that is wonderful.

I received even more positive news.

He did not.

He continued to come into the office, he continued to share.  My sixth sense, my female intuition, I don't know what to call it.  I somehow knew his cancer had returned.  And sure enough he announced it to us, that he would be undergoing a radical treatment, including stem cell surgery, once his body was rid of some nagging enemy that caused his blood to just never be 'right'.  And he said he potentially would be out of the office for six months.

He sat two TWO cubicles away from me.

As he shared his news, I prayed.  The day came when he was to go into the hospital and he wished me well, wished me happy holidays (this was before Thanksgiving).  That sixth sense feeling returned; I prayed.  I honestly felt that he was feeling he would not be healed.  Just something in the way he looked, his eyes were empty except for a glimpse of pain or sadness or both.

The radical treatments never came, his body just never cooperated.

He's out of the office.

He died.

Friday, February 1, 2013

So Thankful, So Grateful

"So thankful to be in the land of the living
So grateful to be in the land of the living"
these words were in my head when I awoke this morning, actually the past two days.  And of course I realized these are lyrics from a song by Yolanda Adams!!

So I am playing that right now!!  You should check it out.

God - keep on doing what you do, because I know that This Too Shall Pass (also a song by Yolanda Adams)  

Excuse me while I sing, give praise and cry tears of joy!!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Get Well

This morning I found myself awaking with this thought running through my mind 'Why am I getting all of these get well cards? I'm not sick!'  Like yesterday there was a legal size envelope in the mailbox and it was full of get well cards from co-workers!!  And the past few weeks I've received dozens of 'feel better soon' cards and then my thoughts were 'I'm fine, just had a couple surgeries (that in itself is ludicrous, but I'm wandering off topic) and I'll be just as good as new when these incisions heal up.'

Boy am I wrong!!  I have breast cancer.  That cancer spread into 8 lymph nodes; a total of 16 lymph nodes were removed.  Hello!!  I learned we only have 40-60 lymph nodes in our bodies.  And they DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT 'reproduce'.  And we need them.

I begin chemo treatments in two weeks; it will be four weeks since the last surgery, the maximum time the oncologist must wait before the start of chemo.  And he wants us to begin right away.  So we will begin.

Two weeks from today will be the start of my becoming hairless - all over.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Down Deep In My Soul

OK, so it's been several months since my last publish.  I allowed my self (and I intended that to be two separate words) to be kidnapped and compromised.  I don't see the need to go into the details of why, mainly because I am somewhat embarrassed.  But at least I am acknowledging I know why and I look at it as I 'grew up some more'.  And a blog fan pointed out today that I needed to get back to writing.  She knows who she is - and so here I am.  And I thank you for speaking out loud what I have been saying to myself for weeks now, but just not feeling motivated.

Previously I had blogged about the necessity to make sure we examine ourselves, in particular to pay attention to our bodies and the changes that can occur.  And back in the summer a cyst in my right breast was revealed.  The thought of surgery terrified me, and my husband too I do believe.  I decided to not pursue surgery at that time, even though my doctor felt that would be best.

Perhaps my thoughts were that it would go away - I do believe in miracles!  But it did not, and this past Monday I underwent surgery.  It was completed very quickly - in at 7:30, leaving at 10.  It's been a couple days since I felt my right side strong enough to work on the computer, and even now it is not up to its full strength.  But I wanted to write today, it was very important to write TODAY.

I am awaiting the biopsy results regarding that pesky cyst.  And part of me was saying to wait until I know before I write.  Instead I decided to go ahead and speak.  You see, regardless of what the results are I still want to write.  And perhaps most importantly, I will still need to write.

My dear husband was able to take some time off work to be here with me.  This is an experience never in a million years would I have thought I would be living.  This event happening to me more than ever   tells me that this is exactly how my life is supposed to be at this point in time.  I say this because regardless of meeting my husband I was going to have this cyst.  The 'icing', the 'gravy' is that MY husband is my caregiver.  I've been single over 25 years. I am loved dammit!!  Thank you Lord.

Down deep in my soul I will forever believe more than ever that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now and I am with who I am supposed to be with right now.  Down deep is telling me that something very big and special just for me is getting ready to be revealed.  Down deep is telling me to just rest and wait.  Down deep is telling me to enjoy the love and care I am receiving from my husband, my friends, my family.

Sunday, September 30, 2012


I was so 'gung ho' and very excited about becoming a blogger.  You see, I so much believe that I am destined to write a novel, although I have not even begun one yet, so blogging regularly would be a breeze, no problem.  After coming out 'guns blazin' and publishing three posts, I hit a wall!!  I felt I wanted to write, but when I would sit down, all thoughts vanished.  My younger sister, who I refer to as my 'blog coach' shared with me how she established her blog but did not actually publish any posts until almost two years later.  (Matter of fact you might enjoy her blog spot !!  I enjoy it immensely.  Here's the link:  She said to just ease into the writing and to not feel pressured into thinking that I had to regularly publish.   Those words put me at ease and helped me realize that great novels took years sometimes to write, so that applies to blogs as well I'm sure.

This is my fourth year being back in Northeast Ohio for the Autumn season.  The weather changing to cooler nights and mornings actually are welcome after the gosh-awful 90 degree days, consecutive days, we endured during the summer.  But the foliage changing - we were not allowed to ease into that Autumn change.  Trees with red and yellow leaves and trees with NO leaves seemed to greet me seemingly overnight.  I was not mentally ready for what appeared to happen all of a sudden.  I was not allowed to ease into this seasonal change.  So I found myself a little depressed? Caught off guard? Just not mentally ready.  Why you ask am I making such a big deal over this?  Well because Autumn also causes me to reflect back on the year, especially the Spring and Summer AND the promises I made to myself and the lists I made of those things I was 'definitely going to do the spring and summer of 2012'.  And alas, here I am with the naked and nearly naked trees and the realization I did none of the things on that list. 

The Lord willing, I will have next year's spring and summer.  Until then, during the upcoming winter months I'll just ease on down the road (tip of the hat to the movie 'The Wiz' featuring the late Michael Jackson and Diana Ross ).