Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Down Deep In My Soul

OK, so it's been several months since my last publish.  I allowed my self (and I intended that to be two separate words) to be kidnapped and compromised.  I don't see the need to go into the details of why, mainly because I am somewhat embarrassed.  But at least I am acknowledging I know why and I look at it as I 'grew up some more'.  And a blog fan pointed out today that I needed to get back to writing.  She knows who she is - and so here I am.  And I thank you for speaking out loud what I have been saying to myself for weeks now, but just not feeling motivated.

Previously I had blogged about the necessity to make sure we examine ourselves, in particular to pay attention to our bodies and the changes that can occur.  And back in the summer a cyst in my right breast was revealed.  The thought of surgery terrified me, and my husband too I do believe.  I decided to not pursue surgery at that time, even though my doctor felt that would be best.

Perhaps my thoughts were that it would go away - I do believe in miracles!  But it did not, and this past Monday I underwent surgery.  It was completed very quickly - in at 7:30, leaving at 10.  It's been a couple days since I felt my right side strong enough to work on the computer, and even now it is not up to its full strength.  But I wanted to write today, it was very important to write TODAY.

I am awaiting the biopsy results regarding that pesky cyst.  And part of me was saying to wait until I know before I write.  Instead I decided to go ahead and speak.  You see, regardless of what the results are I still want to write.  And perhaps most importantly, I will still need to write.

My dear husband was able to take some time off work to be here with me.  This is an experience never in a million years would I have thought I would be living.  This event happening to me more than ever   tells me that this is exactly how my life is supposed to be at this point in time.  I say this because regardless of meeting my husband I was going to have this cyst.  The 'icing', the 'gravy' is that MY husband is my caregiver.  I've been single over 25 years. I am loved dammit!!  Thank you Lord.

Down deep in my soul I will forever believe more than ever that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now and I am with who I am supposed to be with right now.  Down deep is telling me that something very big and special just for me is getting ready to be revealed.  Down deep is telling me to just rest and wait.  Down deep is telling me to enjoy the love and care I am receiving from my husband, my friends, my family.

2 comments:

  1. Ahhh... so good to see my favorite blogger back in action. It's so good to read your words; I appreciate your honesty & openness. I will claim the victory right here, right now, that the 'pesky' cyst will be nothing more than a pest. I am so glad 'hubbbs' could take time off & take care of you. Heal at your own pace.

    I finally realized that we are all where we're supposed to be at every given minute; maybe a good reason, maybe not so great, but there is lesson to be learned everywhere we are.

    Once I let go of "is this where I'm sposed to live; is this whom I'm supposed to be with?; is this where I'm supposed work?, breathing became easier. As the great Bill Cosby said: "the past is a ghost, the future a dream; all we ever have is now." Bask in your love & care, my darling. Love, me.

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  2. "Down deep in my soul".... Interesting what's revealed when we truly listen to ourselves. - Brenda

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